WHEN ANDREA MET FRY
Story by
TAMMY CORIZIS
Teleplay by
JASON BARRERA AND TAMMY CORIZIS
TEASER
HOTH – NIGHT.
FRY, LEELA and BENDER trudge along in deep snow as blizzard obscures everything beyond a few feet. Fry and Leela are dressed in very warm clothing.
FRY
I still don’t get what they wanted with war-surplus caulking guns!
LEELA
I don't really care either way, I’m just glad to get out of there. That hairy guy kept hitting on me. (PAUSES) At least I think it was a guy.
BENDER
At least he didn’t have an annoying British accent.
LEELA
What?
BENDER
(DEFENSIVE) I’m not into that!
FRY
Unhunh. My feet are killing me! Why did we have to park so far away, anyway?
LEELA
There’s three miles of ice all along here underneath the snow. The ship was too heavy to land on it.
FRY
Ice? (SHIVERS)
A cracking sound is heard as the ice under Fry breaks up. Fry jumps in shock.
FRY
Augh!
Leela catches Fry before he is able to fall through the ice. Fry breathes heavily.
LEELA
The ice must be dangerously thin here—(SPOTS SHIP) There’s the ship! Hurry; let’s get off the ice!
FRY
(SOTTO) Ice.. (SHUDDERS)
END OF TEASER.
TITLE THEME PLAYS.
TITLE GAG: NOT A SUBSTANTIAL SOURCE OF RIBOFLAVIN.
ACT ONE
PLANET EXPRESS – BRIDGE – NIGHT
FRY is wrapped in a blanket, drinking a mug of hot chocolate. In the background, LEELA and BENDER are playing poker.
LEELA
There’s no such card as an ace of circles!
BENDER
There was the last time I played.
LEELA
In fact, there’s no ace of billiard balls, either! Or of spheroids, or nickels, or globules, or melon balls!
Leela throws a stack of obviously fake cards down on the table.
FRY
Would you guys keep it down? (SHIVERS) I’m trying to (SHIVER) warm up (SHIVER) here! (SHIVER)
LEELA
Fry, you look terrible! Maybe you should go lie down and get some rest.
FRY
I’m perfectly fine! (SHIVER) I’m just going to sit here and drink my hot choc-whagh!
Fry shrieks as he realizes that his hand is stuck to the mug. With some effort, he pulls it off.
FRY (CONT’D)
Uuhm, maybe I will go to bed. (SHIVER)
Fry gets up and walks toward the door.
LEELA/BENDER
(STARING AT CARDS) Meh.
FRY’S QUARTERS – DARK.
Fry yawns, gets up, wraps a robe around himself and walks out of the room, tripping over his shoes.
Fry walks onto the bridge bleary-eyed. Bender and Leela are still playing Poker, but Leela seems to have lost interest.
BENDER
Okay, so my seven aces beats your four, uh, whatever these are.
LEELA
(ALERT)--Fry! You’re up!
FRY
Yeah... you miss me?
BENDER
Do robots miss extreme temperatures, exposure to magnetic fields, and improper insertion?
FRY
Good, good.
Fry pulls up a chair.
FRY (CONT’D)
Things just look so much clearer in the morning.
LEELA
You were asleep for twenty minutes. We’ve still got three hours ‘till we reach Earth.
FRY
Twenty wonderful minutes. What are we playing again?
LEELA
Bender’s fractured version of Poker, which seems to involve a lot of pointless bickering and cheating.
Leela starts dealing the cards.
BENDER
Oh, you’re never happy. (LEELA) The rules of the game isn’t a real card! There’s only one ace of spades! You can’t wager lug nuts!
Bender grumbles as they both throw chips onto the table. Leela notices that Fry has fallen asleep.
LEELA
Fry, you need to—Fry?
BENDER
Let him sleep—now it’s just you and me.
Both squint at each other. Old western-style music plays.
LEELA
(SIGHS) Maybe we should try "Old Maid..."
CUT TO: Fry, asleep, drooling on the cards. Pan over to a digital clock, which fades from 12:23 AM to 3:27 AM.
CUT TO: THE BRIDGE.
Leela and Bender are playing "Go Fish."
LEELA
Got any threes?
BENDER
Uuhm...
Bender looks at his cards, and sees that he has quite a few threes.
BENDER (CONT’D)
Uhm, no...
FRY
(WAKING UP)Andrea!
Leela and Bender drop their cards when Fry screams.
Fry absorbs his surroundings slowly, breathing heavily.
LEELA
Who’s Andrea?
FRY
(DEPRESSED) Oh, nobody... (SIGH)
(SOTTO) Nobody anymore.
BENDER
You were having one of those dreams again heh heh...
FRY
What? No! I mean, maybe—no!
LEELA
Well, you woke up from "nobody" just in time. We’re about to land.
Fry SIGHS and pulls his chair up to the console.
CUT TO: EXTERIOR OF THE PLANET EXRESS SHIP AS IT LANDS.
Bender, Leela and Fry walk out of the ship. Fry is still wrapped in a blanket and looking depressed.
FARNSWORTH
Mmwelcome back, everybody! I trust everything went according to schedule?
LEELA
Well, Fry nearly died on the planet, and there’s now a bounty on our heads in three more solar systems. But other than that—
FARNSWORTH
Excellent, excellent! You deserve to go home and get some rest! ...And that’s just what I would have you do if I didn’t want you at the briefing room table right away!
LEELA
What for? It’s three in the morning!
BENDER
One of his new useless inventions, probably.
FARNSWORTH
Oh no, nothing so modest as that! I want to show you my newest useless invention! ...Except this one has a use!
BENDER
That’ll be the day. Can’t we just go?
FARNSWORTH
Although it’s highly irregular, we can skip the briefing table altogether—but I must insist we take a look at my Matter Kronostroporter!
BENDER
Kronostowhat?
FARNSWORTH
Kronostroporter! It’s a name I made up to make it sound more "high-tech!" Now come on, you youngsters need to see it for the legal record!
Leela and Bender walk behind the Prof., and Fry trudges behind them.
FARNSWORTH’S LAB – NIGHT.
FARNSWORTH
I would like you to be the very first to behold my latest invention...
Farnsworth fumbles in the dark for the light switch.
FARNSWORTH
Ah! There we are!
The lights go on. A huge machine with a clear tube on one side is illuminated.
FARNSWORTH (CONT’D)
Presenting the Farnsworth Matter Kronostroporter! Patent pending!
BENDER
What the Hell is it?
FARNSWORTH
It’s a machine I developed to collect soil samples from ancient times! Observe!
Farnsworth presses some buttons and a few teaspoons of dirt materialize in the tube.
FARNSWORTH (CONT’D)
This is soil from five million years ago!
LEELA
I guess that might be useful, somehow.
FARNSWORTH
Yes, it’s brilliant! Just imagine the scientific progress that is to be gained by being able to analyze the soil of previous generations!
BENDER
You dragged us up here to see a dirt machine?
FARNSWORTH
Well, yes! Isn’t it brilliant?
LEELA
Can it transport anything besides dirt?
FARNSWORTH
Well, theoretically, (MUMBLES) if you had a large enough arc around the subject and its exact four-dimensional coordinates... (MUMBLES) then yes! But I don’t see the reasoning behind transporting anything besides dirt (MUMBLES)... The time lag increases the farther back into time a specimen is gathered, and, coupled with sizing coordinates, this could result in--
FRY
(INTERRUPTING) So, can we go now?
FARNSWORTH
Wha-- well, yes, I suppose so! Toodle-oo, everybody!
END OF ACT I.
ACT II
PLANET EXPRESS – DAY.
FRY, LEELA, BENDER, FARNSWORTH, ZOIDBERG, AMY, and HERMES are gathered around the table. Fry looks depressed.
HERMES
...And furthermore, I have been noticin’ that Fry has been spendin’ a heap o’ time in front of the TV when he could, an’ I say should be doin’ work! That is why, an’ I know, mon, you won’t be likin’ this, I’ve cut off our cable access for now!
BENDER
What? This is outrageous! Fry, go tell ‘im he can’t do this!
FRY
(DEPRESSED) Do what? Oh! Well, whatever he feels is best; it doesn’t matter anymore...
Everybody looks at Fry strangely.
SFX: PIN DROPPING.
LEELA
Fry, are you sure you’re all right?
Leela places her hand on Fry’s shoulder.
AMY
Yeah, you’ve been acting all weird today. You didn’t even eat your usual bowl of beer and Bachelor Chow this morning!
ZOIDBERG
Fry appears to be going through a complex metamorphosis. If all goes well, he may soon spin a cocoon and turn into a winged parasite which will suck our brains out.
AMY
Suck our brains out?
ZOIDBERG
That, or he’s depressed.
FRY
No! I said I’m fine! Just a little tired, that’s all—Now leave me alone!
Leela jerks her hand away.
HERMES
(CONFUSED) Well, on that note, meetin’ adjourned!
CONFERENCE TABLE—LATER.
Bender and Leela sit at the conference table. Leela is eating a bagel.
LEELA
I just don’t get what’s gotten into Fry today. It’s like he’s a completely different person, and not in that good "born again" way...
BENDER
Leela, I’ve never tried, or wanted to, understand humans, or you, or even most robots for that matter. In fact, I think you’re all pretty damn weird. But what I do know is that Fry has gone into a downward spiral of ringed solitude.
LEELA
How’s that?
BENDER
Well, let’s say this bagel represents Fry, and this beer can represents beer.
Bender holds up Leela’s bagel and his beer.
BENDER (CONT’D)
Now, this gaping hole here represents Fry’s brain, and this soft outer bread represents his emotional barriers. Now, we take the beer (representing emotional beer), and we see that, if not directly aimed at the center of Fry’s head, (POURS BEER ON BAGEL) the soft outer layer absorbs any stimulation, making emotional sogginess a distinct possibility. So, we gotta pour the beer directly through the hole (POURS BEER THROUGH HOLE INTO MOUTH), and then your bagel is good as new.
Bender gives the beer soaked bagel back to Leela.
LEELA
That makes absolutely no sense, but I think I see what you’re getting at...
BENDER
Exactly! Soak the bagel, and you’ll have the perfect finger food! Why didn’t I think of it before?
LEELA
No, no, I’m going to go talk to Fry, see what’s bothering him.
BENDER
Oh—well, see if you can get our cable back.
LOUNGE—LATER.
FRY sits on the couch, staring into space, with a blanket around himself. LEELA enters the room.
LEELA
Fry, I can’t just let you mope around like this! What’s gotten into you? You don’t want to talk to anyone, and you’re acting unusually lazy, even for you!
FRY
Well I’m sorry, Leela, there are just some things that I’d like not to talk about, not with you, or Bender, or that one robot down on the corner who keeps asking me for old batteries.
LEELA
Fry, fine, you don’t have to talk to anybody. I’d just like you to know that you can’t spend your entire life just sitting here feeling sorry for yourself. You’ve got to take action in order to get over whatever it is that’s bothering you, if you don’t want to get a psychocholonic probe.
Fry, still looking straight ahead, turns toward Leela and thinks for a moment.
FRY
Why would I want to get a psychocolonic—(ALERT) Hey! Yes! (GETS UP) That’s it!
Fry dashes out of the room.
FARNSWORTH is walking past with a package as Fry runs toward him.
FARNSWORTH
Great news, Fry! We’ll be delivering a package to the harsh desert planet of Roc II, where the surface temperature reaches one hundred fifty, (FRY DASHES PAST) uh, degrees.
Farnsworth tries to intercept Leela as she runs after Fry.
FARNSWORTH
Ah, Leela! We’ll be delivering a package to—
Leela dashes past Farnsworth, leaving him disoriented. Farnsworth adjusts his glasses and spies Bender sitting at the table drinking from a beer bottle and generally acting lazy.
FARNSWORTH
Ah, Bender! We’ll be delivering—
Bender screams at the word and runs out of the room.
BENDER
Hey! Wait for me!
FARNSWORTH’S LAB
Fry runs up to Farnsworth’s invention and looks over the mind-bogglingly complex control panel.
FRY
(SOTTO) Okay, Fry, you can do this—it’s like playing Asteroids...
(LOOKS AT THE CONTROL PANEL) Where’s the quarter slot?
Fry fumbles with the controls. A saber-toothed frog, Jimmy Hoffa, and a dead potted plant all get zapped in and out of existence. Leela and Bender run into the room.
LEELA
Fry, what the Hell are you doing with that thing?
FRY
I’m undoing something that never shoulda been...
LEELA
What are you talking about? Just because you’re depressed doesn’t mean you have to go tamper with the fabric of time and space!
FRY
No! Leave me alone! I don’t need any of you here! I can do this by myself!
Fry is about to press another button when Leela slaps his hand and steps in front of the console.
LEELA
I’m not going to let you do whatever it is you’re doing until you tell me whatever it is you’re doing!
BENDER
Couldn’t we just tie him up?
LEELA
No! (TO FRY) Fry, we’re your friends! Please, you need to tell us what’s going on before you destroy yourself or the space/time continuum!
FRY
(SIGH) Well, okay. Do you really want to hear this?
LEELA
Yes!
BENDER
Dear God no!
FRY
Well, it was 1991... Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles wowed the schoolgoing population with their ridiculously long name, and the Gulf War taught us it was okay to make fun of Arabs...
DISSOLVE TO: EXT. HIGH SCHOOL – 1991 – DAY.
SFX: SCHOOL BELL.
FRY (V/O)
The day began as any other, which was probably how days like this usually start...
A group of schoolkids burst through the doors. Fry and ANDREA talk on the stairs.
ANDREA
I still don’t think you should’ve switched Mr. McHenry’s lemon juice with whatever was in that big chemically sealed container.
FRY
It’s all in good fun.
Mr. McHenry comes out of the building in a stretcher and wrapped in bandages.
MCHENRY
(IRISH) I’ll get youse persnippery kids! (CHOKE) Oy, it hurts to talk...
PARAMEDIC
Mister McHenry, you’ll have to try to remain silent, we’re going to be taking out your vocal cords...
FRY
...all in good fun.
PARAMEDIC
...and your tongue will now be a piece of latex.
FRY
(LAUGHS GUILTILY) I’ll send him a card.
Andrea ties her long brown hair in a ponytail.
ANDREA
Maybe you’d better. So what should we do now?
FRY
Well, we could go down to the arcade and see if anybody dropped quarters under the machines.
ANDREA
Nah. Last time I smelled like stale pizza and pop for a week. We should go skating!
FRY
Skating? But that’s so—outdoorsish.
ANDREA
That’s what’s so great about it! Outside with the cold wind rushing past your flowing hair, just you and me on the lake...
FRY
Yeah, right, with frostbite and pneumonia all the while.
ANDREA
Drinking hot chocolate from the same cup...
FRY
(UNSURE) I—I don’t think we should go!
ANDREA
(DISAPPOINTED) Why?
FRY
I dunno—it just doesn’t feel right. Like something bad’ll happen. Y’know like in those movies, where the hunky lead teen guy says he knows something bad’s gonna happen, and then his sexy girlfriend doesn’t believe him, so she gets eaten by the monster, and then the monster goes and eats him, and then the monster goes and--
ANDREA
Pff, that kinda thing only happens in bad movies.
Andrea puts her hands together and smiles cutely.
ANDREA (CONT’D)
You’re just so cute when you’re babbling, Philip!
FRY
(COOL) Yeah, I guess I am. (PAUSES) Hey—wait—stop calling me that!
ANDREA
Okay... Philip.
FRY
Why don’t we go down to that new Starbucks and get a Frappuchino? We can drink outta the same cup...
ANDREA
But I wanna go skating! Come on, Fry... please?
FRY
(MOANING) Oh—but—
ANDREA
(SIGH) Fine. We don’t have to go.
FRY
Alright! Quarter searching it is!
ANDREA
(SIGH)
Jacob approaches Fry and Andrea.
FRY
(SEINFELDISH) Hello, Jacob.
JACOB
Hey, babe, hey, Philip.
FRY
I toldya to stop callin’ me that!
JACOB
Okay, loser. So babe, you wanna go hang?
ANDREA
Don’t call MY boyfriend a loser, and don’t call me a babe!
Andrea punches Jacob and flips on his back.
ANDREA (CONT’D)
That means no, you no-good, good-for-nothing creep!
FRY
Whoa! Way to tell that jerk off! Let’s—
The principal approaches Fry and Andrea.
PRINCIPAL
Hello, Mister Fry; Miss Andrews... Jacob...
JACOB
(ON THE GROUND) Hey...
ANDREA
(INNOCENT) Eh, hey, Mr. Marlinson. Your wife still in a coma?
PRINCIPAL
We’re not here to discuss the current incapacitation of my wife. Mister Fry, Miss Andrews, you do know that fighting is not permitted on school grounds? Ever?
FRY
(STAMMERING) That’s not true! She might have beat up Jacob, and, uh, I might be talking, but—uh—hey, look over there! Somebody’s making fun of the school name!
PRINCIPAL
Somebody’s making fun of dear Lucas Puballington High School? Where?
Fry and Andrea slip away while the principal is turned around. The principal realizes they’ve run off.
PRINCIPAL
(SOTTO) Oh, why do I always fall for that?
FRY (V/0)
Despite my previous pleadings, we decided that skating was probably the best way to go.
FROZEN LAKE – DAY.
Fry struggles to get his skates on. Andrea stands over him, impatiently.
FRY
(GRUNT) I keep telling you, your (GRUNT) skates are too (GRUNT) small!
ANDREA
(IMPATIENT) They’re fine! Hurry up, Philly!
FRY
I’m trying! (GRUNT) These skates won’t come on! And stop calling me that!
Fry successfully ties his skates.
FRY
There! Okay, now we can go.
ANDREA
Alright! Now come on.
Andrea walks along the ground in her skates effortlessly.
Fry falls flat on his face.
FRY
(MUFFLED) Damn it!
FRY (V/O)
Andrea could always skate like a pro, although I preferred to pretend to watch...
Fry watches Andrea skate across the lake like a pro.
ANDREA
Come on, Fry! You’re such a wussy! It’s easy!
FRY
(UNSURE) I dunno Andrea, slipping onto my head could really damage my, uh, whatsitcalled...
ANDREA
You mean brain?
FRY
Yeah, that’s what I said.
Andrea skates over to Fry and takes his hand.
ANDREA
Don’t worry. Come on, I’ll lead.
FRY
Uhm, I don’t know about this. I feel like I’m about to do a double take or something.
Jacob appears behind Fry.
ANDREA
(GASPS) Jacob!
JACOB
Hey, babe.
ANDREA
I thought you’d be in detention by now, making discoveries.
JACOB
Hah—yeah. You would wish that. No—wait—you’re the ones that are supposed to be in detention!
ANDREA
Sure, great, detention. How the Hell did you find us, anyway?
JACOB
Shoes leave tracks, you know, and only a complete loser like "Philip" would have an image of a duck at the bottom of his shoes!
FRY
Grr...
ANDREA
At least he doesn’t have a collection of Cabbage Patch dolls!
JACOB
Hey! Cabbage Patch dolls have real collectible value!
FRY
(SARCASTIC) Yeah, right, sure they do! Collectible dolls! Hah! Next thing you know, they’ll have collectible bean bags!
Andrea and Fry snicker behind their hands. Jacob grumbles and walks away.
JACOB
(SOTTO) Idiots...
ANDREA
What a loser.
FRY
Totally. So, you still wanna go look for quarters down by the arcade?
ANDREA
But you aren’t even cold yet!
FRY
Please?
ANDREA
Come on, please... Just a while longer... (PLAYFUL) Let’s go skate over there.
Andrea skates over towards a patch of unusually thin ice. Fry stays behind.
ANDREA (CONT’D)
Come on, Fry! Don’t be such a wuss!
FRY
Okay, so I’m a wuss! Is that so bad? I bet Hotma Ghandi was a wuss!
ANDREA
Fry, sometimes you can be so—whaugh!
The ice breaks below Andrea as she falls through the ice.
FRY (V/O)
It was so sudden, I almost didn’t realize it was happening. Andrea had fallen through the ice!
ANDREA
(FRANTIC) Fry! Fry, HELP!
FRY (V/O)
I felt that I couldn’t lose her—but I guess it didn’t work out. It was even worse that I’d never skated before in my life.
Fry slips on the ice and falls on his stomach. Fry cautiously lays on the ice and extends his hand toward Andrea.
FRY
Okay, calm down! Struggling will only make it worse!
ANDREA
My arm went numb! I can’t feel my legs!
FRY
I’m slipping!
ANDREA
Fry! Hold on!
FRY
It’s sorta difficult, you know!
ANDREA
PHILIP!
FRY
You’re not helping! Slide yourself up, damnit!
ANDREA
I can’t! I can’t move!
Andrea slithers around like a snake. Fry struggles to pull her up.
ANDREA
Now my head hurts!
FRY
Andrea! I’ll never let go! No matter how numb my fingers get!
Fry struggles desperately, but Andrea slips through his fingers.
ANDREA
Fry, you dumbass! You l--(SUBMERGES, BUBBLES)
FRY
Andrea! No!
CUT TO: Bender and Leela. Bender looks bored, but Leela is genuinely shocked.
FRY
(SAD) And that was it. It was all because of me that I’d lost her.
LEELA
She drowned in the ice? That would be traumatic!
BENDER
Yeah, that is kinda sad, but, well, she’d be dead now anyway.
FRY
Well, she doesn’t have to be! I can still get her back... with this thing! (POINTS TO MACHINE)
LEELA
Fry! If you don’t work that machine properly, there’s no telling what sort of havoc you might wreck in the fabric of time!
Farnsworth walks in carrying the package from earlier.
FARNSWORTH
I still need you to--(GASPS) What in godalmighty are you doing with my dear Kronostroporter!?
Leela runs over to Farnsworth and ushers him out.
LEELA
Nothing! We’re just trying to find a screwdriver! (LOCKS DOOR)
FARNSWORTH
(THROUGH GLASS) Bwha—But what about the package?
FRY
Try FedEx!
END OF ACT II.
ACT III
Leela is at the controls of Farnsworth’s machine. Fry stands behind her.
FRY
Over... over... no, no, back... over... no! Over!
LEELA
(SIGH) I can’t believe you talked me into this...
FRY
Over! Yes! There! No, wait, over some more... there!
Andrea comes shooting out of the tube, soaked in water, unconscious.
LEELA
It looks like she’s swallowed a lot of water! Bender, help me move her over to the table!
BENDER
(MOCKING) Yes, Captain...
Bender and Leela put her up on Farnsworth’s lab table. Leela starts giving Andrea mouth-to-mouth.
FRY
She never gave me mouth-to-mouth.
BENDER
Have you ever drowned in a lake and then transported from the 20th century and rescued?
FRY
Well, no...
BENDER
Well, there ya go.
Andrea starts coughing up water and opens her eyes.
ANDREA
Ugh—were am I? (COUGH)
Andrea turns to Leela and screams.
FRY
Andrea! It’s me, Fry!
ANDREA
(TO FRY) Who are you? And how do you know my name?
LEELA
The lack of oxygen to her brain must’ve triggered some sort of memory loss. (TO ANDREA) What’s the last thing you remember?
ANDREA
(SHIVERS) Oh—Ice. It seems like I fell through, and then—oh! Holy crap, (COUGH) I gotta be dead!
BENDER
Doesn’t look like it.
ANDREA
(TO LEELA, DELIRIOUS) You must be my guardian angel...
LEELA
No, I’m an alien. You’re not dead—we were able to rescue you from drowning. You’re in the year 3000.
ANDREA
(COUGH) My God, I’m in the future?
LEELA/FRY/BENDER
Yep.
LEELA
I’m Leela, resident one-eyed alien. This is Bender...
BENDER
...Resident overworked, underpaid cook. You hungry?
LEELA
I’m not sure she’s ready for your food.
ANDREA
Ugh... (COUGH) I’m freakin’ cold though.
LEELA
Come with me—I might have some clothes around somewhere you can wear.
Fry starts to follow them.
LEELA (CONT’D)
Fry... stay there!
EXT. PLANET EXPRESS BUILDING – DAY.
BENDER smokes a cigar as he and ANDREA, dressed in Leela’s clothes, walk down the street.
ANDREA
Wow...
BENDER
Not much is changed. For instance, we’ve still got strip clubs, lots and lots of strip clubs. And grocery stores--
ANDREA
Well, I’m still kind of confused.
The two pass a Food-O-Mat.
BENDER
Most humans are. (POINTS TO RESTAURANT) The worst food on the planet. If you want some good food, I’ll cook for ya.
ANDREA
(SUPRISED) You cook?
BENDER
Well... yeah... sorta.
ANDREA
Neato! I never saw a robot that could cook!
BENDER
Aahw, yeah. We’re one of a kind. Wait till you see your boyfriend’s cheap apartment.
ANDREA
What boyfriend?
FRY approaches Bender and Andrea.
FRY
Hey! Andrea! Baby!
ANDREA
Don’t call me "baby."
Fry looks confused.
BENDER
Her brain’s still flunky...
FRY
You’re giving her a tour? Cool. Can I come? I mean, she’s my girlfriend—or was...
BENDER
Leela still wants you to keep your distance for a while.
FRY
(DISAPPOINTED) Wha—why?
BENDER
Dunno.
ANDREA
He is SO like my old boyfriend. Well, see you around, Fry.
FRY
Uh, yeah...
BENDER
In the meantime... I’m available.
Andrea pats Bender on the shoulder.
ANDREA
(DISINTERESTED) I’ll think about it.
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM — LATER
ANDREA runs in still dressed like Leela, holding a ray gun.
ANDREA
Zap, zap! Die, alien scum!
LEELA
Watch it!
Andrea accidentally presses the trigger on the gun, firing it over Leela’s, AMY’s and FARNSWORTH’s heads. The gun hits the ceiling projection unit over the conference table. Leela runs up and snatches her gun away.
LEELA
What the Hell are you doing? You’re going to—
FRY
Whoa! Twins!
AMY
It’s like looking into a mirror!
ANDREA/LEELA
Wha..?
FARNSWORTH
Oh, my! The resemblance is stunning!
ANDREA/LEELA
I don’t look anything like her!
AMY
(TO FARNSWORTH) We should get her on that thingy of yours—see if they’re related!
ANDREA/LEELA
What? That’s impossible! I’m not going to do that!
CUT TO:
The same room from 1ACV01 where Fry and Farnsworth were being tested. The little device’s bulb blinks a "yes."
ANDREA/LEELA
How can I be related to her? She’s not even from the same planet as me!
FARNSWORTH
I—I don’t know! The implications of it are strange, to say the least!
FRY
Yeah, but it said we were related, and look at the resemblance!
ANDREA
Wow... I’ve got a new aunt!
LEELA
(SIGH)
AMY
Whatever.
CONFERENCE ROOM – LATER.
LEELA is holding a coffee cup and talking to FARNSWORTH.
LEELA
I think Bender's giving her a tour of the ship, actually. Hopefully we'll be able to deliver that package in a few minutes.
FARNSWORTH
Oh my--what package?
Suddenly, the ship starts to move. Leela is so startled that she drops her coffee, and runs over to a nearby videophone.
On the ship, things aren’t much better.
FRY
You started the ship? Boy are you ever gonna get in trouble!
ANDREA
No sh—
A videophone starts to ring. Bender answers it.
LEELA
Bender, what the Hell are you doing with my ship?
BENDER
Well, our little newcomer just pressed the wrong button and now we’re going to who knows where!
ANDREA
(NERVOUS) Hey, look—I didn’t MEAN to push the button, it was an—
BENDER
Yeah, yeah, always with the accidents.
LEELA
Bender, you’ve got to stop that thing!
BENDER
What? (REALIZES THE SHIP IS MOVING FORWARD) Whaagh!
The ship starts to plow into the railing ala "Speed II."
LEELA
Bender, press the large blue button second from the left on my console!
BENDER
(CONFUSED) Whaa...
FRY
Bender! We’re gonna die!
BENDER
(SPOTS A BUTTON) Ah! (PRESSES IT)
The windshield wipers go on. The ship keeps moving ever-closer to Leela’s head.
BENDER (CONT’D)
D’aahw! What was that again?
Andrea runs forward and presses the right button. The ship stops.
LEELA
(CROUCHED DOWN) Good work, Andrea. ...although you did get us into--
Leela starts to stand up, but hits her head on the ship, which is directly overhead.
LEELA (CONT’D)
Ow!
ANDREA
Hey Bender, why can’t Fry an’ me associate?
BENDER
You guys went out in the 20th century! There, ya happy? You where high school sweethearts or something!
ANDREA
We were? I mean, with him?
FRY
Hey! That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!
LEELA
Bender! You—
BENDER
Oh, yeah. (HANGS UP PHONE) I’ve had just about enough of you fleshbags for one day. I’m goin’ home.
ANDREA
But Bender!
BENDER
(MOCKING) "But Bender!" I’ve tolerated your crap for the last half hour, and I don’t even get a "thank you" outta it!
ANDREA
Well, if you wanted a "thank you" so much, why did’t you just say so?
BENDER
The thought never occurred to me.
ANDREA
Well, thanks, Bender.
BENDER
Well then—you wanna go and—
FRY
Hey! Waitaminit! Andrea’s my girlfriend, even if she did die over 1009 years ago! If we’re gonna go back to dating, I wanna lay down a few rules.
ANDREA
Yeah. Whatever. Fry, I don’t mean to be rude or anything, but is it just me, or have you gained a little weight?
FRY
Well, I am over one thousand an’ nine years older... I’m strong and mature now.
BENDER
Hey, Fry, you comin’? Neptunian Gladiators is comin’ on!
FRY
Ohoo! I’m there!
LOUNGE — LATER.
Fry, Bender, Leela and Andrea are sitting on the couch.
LEELA
You know, we should probably call somebody about the renovation. And getting the ship unstuck.
The camera pans back to reveal that the four are crouched under the ship, which has plowed into the wall.
FRY
Yeah, whatever.
Fry takes the clicker and turns on the TV. Static is heard.
ANDREA
Ooh... static... there’s something new.
FRY
Whaa! The cable’s gone!
END OF ACT III.