WHEN ANDREA MET FRY

Story by

TAMMY CORIZIS

Teleplay by

JASON BARRERA AND TAMMY CORIZIS

 

TEASER

HOTH – NIGHT.

FRY, LEELA and BENDER trudge along in deep snow as blizzard obscures everything beyond a few feet. Fry and Leela are dressed in very warm clothing.

FRY

I still don’t get what they wanted with war-surplus caulking guns!

LEELA

I don't really care either way, I’m just glad to get out of there. That hairy guy kept hitting on me. (PAUSES) At least I think it was a guy.

BENDER

At least he didn’t have an annoying British accent.

LEELA

What?

BENDER

(DEFENSIVE) I’m not into that!

FRY

Unhunh. My feet are killing me! Why did we have to park so far away, anyway?

LEELA

There’s three miles of ice all along here underneath the snow. The ship was too heavy to land on it.

FRY

Ice? (SHIVERS)

A cracking sound is heard as the ice under Fry breaks up. Fry jumps in shock.

FRY

Augh!

Leela catches Fry before he is able to fall through the ice. Fry breathes heavily.

LEELA

The ice must be dangerously thin here—(SPOTS SHIP) There’s the ship! Hurry; let’s get off the ice!

FRY

(SOTTO) Ice.. (SHUDDERS)

END OF TEASER.

TITLE THEME PLAYS.

TITLE GAG: NOT A SUBSTANTIAL SOURCE OF RIBOFLAVIN.

ACT ONE

PLANET EXPRESS – BRIDGE – NIGHT

FRY is wrapped in a blanket, drinking a mug of hot chocolate. In the background, LEELA and BENDER are playing poker.

LEELA

There’s no such card as an ace of circles!

BENDER

There was the last time I played.

LEELA

In fact, there’s no ace of billiard balls, either! Or of spheroids, or nickels, or globules, or melon balls!

Leela throws a stack of obviously fake cards down on the table.

FRY

Would you guys keep it down? (SHIVERS) I’m trying to (SHIVER) warm up (SHIVER) here! (SHIVER)

LEELA

Fry, you look terrible! Maybe you should go lie down and get some rest.

FRY

I’m perfectly fine! (SHIVER) I’m just going to sit here and drink my hot choc-whagh!

Fry shrieks as he realizes that his hand is stuck to the mug. With some effort, he pulls it off.

FRY (CONT’D)

Uuhm, maybe I will go to bed. (SHIVER)

Fry gets up and walks toward the door.

LEELA/BENDER

(STARING AT CARDS) Meh.

FRY’S QUARTERS – DARK.

Fry yawns, gets up, wraps a robe around himself and walks out of the room, tripping over his shoes.

Fry walks onto the bridge bleary-eyed. Bender and Leela are still playing Poker, but Leela seems to have lost interest.

BENDER

Okay, so my seven aces beats your four, uh, whatever these are.

LEELA

(ALERT)--Fry! You’re up!

FRY

Yeah... you miss me?

BENDER

Do robots miss extreme temperatures, exposure to magnetic fields, and improper insertion?

FRY

Good, good.

Fry pulls up a chair.

FRY (CONT’D)

Things just look so much clearer in the morning.

LEELA

You were asleep for twenty minutes. We’ve still got three hours ‘till we reach Earth.

FRY

Twenty wonderful minutes. What are we playing again?

LEELA

Bender’s fractured version of Poker, which seems to involve a lot of pointless bickering and cheating.

Leela starts dealing the cards.

BENDER

Oh, you’re never happy. (LEELA) The rules of the game isn’t a real card! There’s only one ace of spades! You can’t wager lug nuts!

Bender grumbles as they both throw chips onto the table. Leela notices that Fry has fallen asleep.

LEELA

Fry, you need to—Fry?

BENDER

Let him sleep—now it’s just you and me.

Both squint at each other. Old western-style music plays.

LEELA

(SIGHS) Maybe we should try "Old Maid..."

CUT TO: Fry, asleep, drooling on the cards. Pan over to a digital clock, which fades from 12:23 AM to 3:27 AM.

CUT TO: THE BRIDGE.

Leela and Bender are playing "Go Fish."

LEELA

Got any threes?

BENDER

Uuhm...

Bender looks at his cards, and sees that he has quite a few threes.

BENDER (CONT’D)

Uhm, no...

FRY

(WAKING UP)Andrea!

Leela and Bender drop their cards when Fry screams.

Fry absorbs his surroundings slowly, breathing heavily.

LEELA

Who’s Andrea?

FRY

(DEPRESSED) Oh, nobody... (SIGH)

(SOTTO) Nobody anymore.

BENDER

You were having one of those dreams again heh heh...

FRY

What? No! I mean, maybe—no!

LEELA

Well, you woke up from "nobody" just in time. We’re about to land.

Fry SIGHS and pulls his chair up to the console.

CUT TO: EXTERIOR OF THE PLANET EXRESS SHIP AS IT LANDS.

Bender, Leela and Fry walk out of the ship. Fry is still wrapped in a blanket and looking depressed.

FARNSWORTH

Mmwelcome back, everybody! I trust everything went according to schedule?

LEELA

Well, Fry nearly died on the planet, and there’s now a bounty on our heads in three more solar systems. But other than that—

FARNSWORTH

Excellent, excellent! You deserve to go home and get some rest! ...And that’s just what I would have you do if I didn’t want you at the briefing room table right away!

LEELA

What for? It’s three in the morning!

BENDER

One of his new useless inventions, probably.

FARNSWORTH

Oh no, nothing so modest as that! I want to show you my newest useless invention! ...Except this one has a use!

BENDER

That’ll be the day. Can’t we just go?

FARNSWORTH

Although it’s highly irregular, we can skip the briefing table altogether—but I must insist we take a look at my Matter Kronostroporter!

BENDER

Kronostowhat?

FARNSWORTH

Kronostroporter! It’s a name I made up to make it sound more "high-tech!" Now come on, you youngsters need to see it for the legal record!

Leela and Bender walk behind the Prof., and Fry trudges behind them.

FARNSWORTH’S LAB – NIGHT.

FARNSWORTH

I would like you to be the very first to behold my latest invention...

Farnsworth fumbles in the dark for the light switch.

FARNSWORTH

Ah! There we are!

The lights go on. A huge machine with a clear tube on one side is illuminated.

FARNSWORTH (CONT’D)

Presenting the Farnsworth Matter Kronostroporter! Patent pending!

BENDER

What the Hell is it?

FARNSWORTH

It’s a machine I developed to collect soil samples from ancient times! Observe!

Farnsworth presses some buttons and a few teaspoons of dirt materialize in the tube.

FARNSWORTH (CONT’D)

This is soil from five million years ago!

LEELA

I guess that might be useful, somehow.

FARNSWORTH

Yes, it’s brilliant! Just imagine the scientific progress that is to be gained by being able to analyze the soil of previous generations!

BENDER

You dragged us up here to see a dirt machine?

FARNSWORTH

Well, yes! Isn’t it brilliant?

LEELA

Can it transport anything besides dirt?

FARNSWORTH

Well, theoretically, (MUMBLES) if you had a large enough arc around the subject and its exact four-dimensional coordinates... (MUMBLES) then yes! But I don’t see the reasoning behind transporting anything besides dirt (MUMBLES)... The time lag increases the farther back into time a specimen is gathered, and, coupled with sizing coordinates, this could result in--

FRY

(INTERRUPTING) So, can we go now?

FARNSWORTH

Wha-- well, yes, I suppose so! Toodle-oo, everybody!

END OF ACT I.

ACT II

PLANET EXPRESS – DAY.

FRY, LEELA, BENDER, FARNSWORTH, ZOIDBERG, AMY, and HERMES are gathered around the table. Fry looks depressed.

HERMES

...And furthermore, I have been noticin’ that Fry has been spendin’ a heap o’ time in front of the TV when he could, an’ I say should be doin’ work! That is why, an’ I know, mon, you won’t be likin’ this, I’ve cut off our cable access for now!

BENDER

What? This is outrageous! Fry, go tell ‘im he can’t do this!

FRY

(DEPRESSED) Do what? Oh! Well, whatever he feels is best; it doesn’t matter anymore...

Everybody looks at Fry strangely.

SFX: PIN DROPPING.

LEELA

Fry, are you sure you’re all right?

Leela places her hand on Fry’s shoulder.

AMY

Yeah, you’ve been acting all weird today. You didn’t even eat your usual bowl of beer and Bachelor Chow this morning!

ZOIDBERG

Fry appears to be going through a complex metamorphosis. If all goes well, he may soon spin a cocoon and turn into a winged parasite which will suck our brains out.

AMY

Suck our brains out?

ZOIDBERG

That, or he’s depressed.

FRY

No! I said I’m fine! Just a little tired, that’s all—Now leave me alone!

Leela jerks her hand away.

HERMES

(CONFUSED) Well, on that note, meetin’ adjourned!

CONFERENCE TABLE—LATER.

Bender and Leela sit at the conference table. Leela is eating a bagel.

LEELA

I just don’t get what’s gotten into Fry today. It’s like he’s a completely different person, and not in that good "born again" way...

BENDER

Leela, I’ve never tried, or wanted to, understand humans, or you, or even most robots for that matter. In fact, I think you’re all pretty damn weird. But what I do know is that Fry has gone into a downward spiral of ringed solitude.

LEELA

How’s that?

BENDER

Well, let’s say this bagel represents Fry, and this beer can represents beer.

Bender holds up Leela’s bagel and his beer.

BENDER (CONT’D)

Now, this gaping hole here represents Fry’s brain, and this soft outer bread represents his emotional barriers. Now, we take the beer (representing emotional beer), and we see that, if not directly aimed at the center of Fry’s head, (POURS BEER ON BAGEL) the soft outer layer absorbs any stimulation, making emotional sogginess a distinct possibility. So, we gotta pour the beer directly through the hole (POURS BEER THROUGH HOLE INTO MOUTH), and then your bagel is good as new.

Bender gives the beer soaked bagel back to Leela.

LEELA

That makes absolutely no sense, but I think I see what you’re getting at...

BENDER

Exactly! Soak the bagel, and you’ll have the perfect finger food! Why didn’t I think of it before?

LEELA

No, no, I’m going to go talk to Fry, see what’s bothering him.

BENDER

Oh—well, see if you can get our cable back.

LOUNGE—LATER.

FRY sits on the couch, staring into space, with a blanket around himself. LEELA enters the room.

LEELA

Fry, I can’t just let you mope around like this! What’s gotten into you? You don’t want to talk to anyone, and you’re acting unusually lazy, even for you!

FRY

Well I’m sorry, Leela, there are just some things that I’d like not to talk about, not with you, or Bender, or that one robot down on the corner who keeps asking me for old batteries.

LEELA

Fry, fine, you don’t have to talk to anybody. I’d just like you to know that you can’t spend your entire life just sitting here feeling sorry for yourself. You’ve got to take action in order to get over whatever it is that’s bothering you, if you don’t want to get a psychocholonic probe.

Fry, still looking straight ahead, turns toward Leela and thinks for a moment.

FRY

Why would I want to get a psychocolonic—(ALERT) Hey! Yes! (GETS UP) That’s it!

Fry dashes out of the room.

FARNSWORTH is walking past with a package as Fry runs toward him.

FARNSWORTH

Great news, Fry! We’ll be delivering a package to the harsh desert planet of Roc II, where the surface temperature reaches one hundred fifty, (FRY DASHES PAST) uh, degrees.

Farnsworth tries to intercept Leela as she runs after Fry.

FARNSWORTH

Ah, Leela! We’ll be delivering a package to—

Leela dashes past Farnsworth, leaving him disoriented. Farnsworth adjusts his glasses and spies Bender sitting at the table drinking from a beer bottle and generally acting lazy.

FARNSWORTH

Ah, Bender! We’ll be delivering—

Bender screams at the word and runs out of the room.

BENDER

Hey! Wait for me!

FARNSWORTH’S LAB

Fry runs up to Farnsworth’s invention and looks over the mind-bogglingly complex control panel.

FRY

(SOTTO) Okay, Fry, you can do this—it’s like playing Asteroids...

(LOOKS AT THE CONTROL PANEL) Where’s the quarter slot?

Fry fumbles with the controls. A saber-toothed frog, Jimmy Hoffa, and a dead potted plant all get zapped in and out of existence. Leela and Bender run into the room.

LEELA

Fry, what the Hell are you doing with that thing?

FRY

I’m undoing something that never shoulda been...

LEELA

What are you talking about? Just because you’re depressed doesn’t mean you have to go tamper with the fabric of time and space!

FRY

No! Leave me alone! I don’t need any of you here! I can do this by myself!

Fry is about to press another button when Leela slaps his hand and steps in front of the console.

LEELA

I’m not going to let you do whatever it is you’re doing until you tell me whatever it is you’re doing!

BENDER

Couldn’t we just tie him up?

LEELA

No! (TO FRY) Fry, we’re your friends! Please, you need to tell us what’s going on before you destroy yourself or the space/time continuum!

FRY

(SIGH) Well, okay. Do you really want to hear this?

LEELA

Yes!

BENDER

Dear God no!

FRY

Well, it was 1991... Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles wowed the schoolgoing population with their ridiculously long name, and the Gulf War taught us it was okay to make fun of Arabs...

DISSOLVE TO: EXT. HIGH SCHOOL – 1991 – DAY.

SFX: SCHOOL BELL.

FRY (V/O)

The day began as any other, which was probably how days like this usually start...

A group of schoolkids burst through the doors. Fry and ANDREA talk on the stairs.

ANDREA

I still don’t think you should’ve switched Mr. McHenry’s lemon juice with whatever was in that big chemically sealed container.

FRY

It’s all in good fun.

Mr. McHenry comes out of the building in a stretcher and wrapped in bandages.

MCHENRY

(IRISH) I’ll get youse persnippery kids! (CHOKE) Oy, it hurts to talk...

PARAMEDIC

Mister McHenry, you’ll have to try to remain silent, we’re going to be taking out your vocal cords...

FRY

...all in good fun.

PARAMEDIC

...and your tongue will now be a piece of latex.

FRY

(LAUGHS GUILTILY) I’ll send him a card.

Andrea ties her long brown hair in a ponytail.

ANDREA

Maybe you’d better. So what should we do now?

FRY

Well, we could go down to the arcade and see if anybody dropped quarters under the machines.

ANDREA

Nah. Last time I smelled like stale pizza and pop for a week. We should go skating!

FRY

Skating? But that’s so—outdoorsish.

ANDREA

That’s what’s so great about it! Outside with the cold wind rushing past your flowing hair, just you and me on the lake...

FRY

Yeah, right, with frostbite and pneumonia all the while.

ANDREA

Drinking hot chocolate from the same cup...

FRY

(UNSURE) I—I don’t think we should go!

ANDREA

(DISAPPOINTED) Why?

FRY

I dunno—it just doesn’t feel right. Like something bad’ll happen. Y’know like in those movies, where the hunky lead teen guy says he knows something bad’s gonna happen, and then his sexy girlfriend doesn’t believe him, so she gets eaten by the monster, and then the monster goes and eats him, and then the monster goes and--

ANDREA

Pff, that kinda thing only happens in bad movies.

Andrea puts her hands together and smiles cutely.

ANDREA (CONT’D)

You’re just so cute when you’re babbling, Philip!

FRY

(COOL) Yeah, I guess I am. (PAUSES) Hey—wait—stop calling me that!

ANDREA

Okay... Philip.

FRY

Why don’t we go down to that new Starbucks and get a Frappuchino? We can drink outta the same cup...

ANDREA

But I wanna go skating! Come on, Fry... please?

FRY

(MOANING) Oh—but—

ANDREA

(SIGH) Fine. We don’t have to go.

FRY

Alright! Quarter searching it is!

ANDREA

(SIGH)

Jacob approaches Fry and Andrea.

FRY

(SEINFELDISH) Hello, Jacob.

JACOB

Hey, babe, hey, Philip.

FRY

I toldya to stop callin’ me that!

JACOB

Okay, loser. So babe, you wanna go hang?

ANDREA

Don’t call MY boyfriend a loser, and don’t call me a babe!

Andrea punches Jacob and flips on his back.

ANDREA (CONT’D)

That means no, you no-good, good-for-nothing creep!

FRY

Whoa! Way to tell that jerk off! Let’s—

The principal approaches Fry and Andrea.

PRINCIPAL

Hello, Mister Fry; Miss Andrews... Jacob...

JACOB

(ON THE GROUND) Hey...

ANDREA

(INNOCENT) Eh, hey, Mr. Marlinson. Your wife still in a coma?

PRINCIPAL

We’re not here to discuss the current incapacitation of my wife. Mister Fry, Miss Andrews, you do know that fighting is not permitted on school grounds? Ever?

FRY

(STAMMERING) That’s not true! She might have beat up Jacob, and, uh, I might be talking, but—uh—hey, look over there! Somebody’s making fun of the school name!

PRINCIPAL

Somebody’s making fun of dear Lucas Puballington High School? Where?

Fry and Andrea slip away while the principal is turned around. The principal realizes they’ve run off.

PRINCIPAL

(SOTTO) Oh, why do I always fall for that?

FRY (V/0)

Despite my previous pleadings, we decided that skating was probably the best way to go.

FROZEN LAKE – DAY.

Fry struggles to get his skates on. Andrea stands over him, impatiently.

FRY

(GRUNT) I keep telling you, your (GRUNT) skates are too (GRUNT) small!

ANDREA

(IMPATIENT) They’re fine! Hurry up, Philly!

FRY

I’m trying! (GRUNT) These skates won’t come on! And stop calling me that!

Fry successfully ties his skates.

FRY

There! Okay, now we can go.

ANDREA

Alright! Now come on.

Andrea walks along the ground in her skates effortlessly.

Fry falls flat on his face.

FRY

(MUFFLED) Damn it!

FRY (V/O)

Andrea could always skate like a pro, although I preferred to pretend to watch...

Fry watches Andrea skate across the lake like a pro.

ANDREA

Come on, Fry! You’re such a wussy! It’s easy!

FRY

(UNSURE) I dunno Andrea, slipping onto my head could really damage my, uh, whatsitcalled...

ANDREA

You mean brain?

FRY

Yeah, that’s what I said.

Andrea skates over to Fry and takes his hand.

ANDREA

Don’t worry. Come on, I’ll lead.

FRY

Uhm, I don’t know about this. I feel like I’m about to do a double take or something.

Jacob appears behind Fry.

ANDREA

(GASPS) Jacob!

JACOB

Hey, babe.

ANDREA

I thought you’d be in detention by now, making discoveries.

JACOB

Hah—yeah. You would wish that. No—wait—you’re the ones that are supposed to be in detention!

ANDREA

Sure, great, detention. How the Hell did you find us, anyway?

JACOB

Shoes leave tracks, you know, and only a complete loser like "Philip" would have an image of a duck at the bottom of his shoes!

FRY

Grr...

ANDREA

At least he doesn’t have a collection of Cabbage Patch dolls!

JACOB

Hey! Cabbage Patch dolls have real collectible value!

FRY

(SARCASTIC) Yeah, right, sure they do! Collectible dolls! Hah! Next thing you know, they’ll have collectible bean bags!

Andrea and Fry snicker behind their hands. Jacob grumbles and walks away.

JACOB

(SOTTO) Idiots...

ANDREA

What a loser.

FRY

Totally. So, you still wanna go look for quarters down by the arcade?

ANDREA

But you aren’t even cold yet!

FRY

Please?

ANDREA

Come on, please... Just a while longer... (PLAYFUL) Let’s go skate over there.

Andrea skates over towards a patch of unusually thin ice. Fry stays behind.

ANDREA (CONT’D)

Come on, Fry! Don’t be such a wuss!

FRY

Okay, so I’m a wuss! Is that so bad? I bet Hotma Ghandi was a wuss!

ANDREA

Fry, sometimes you can be so—whaugh!

The ice breaks below Andrea as she falls through the ice.

FRY (V/O)

It was so sudden, I almost didn’t realize it was happening. Andrea had fallen through the ice!

ANDREA

(FRANTIC) Fry! Fry, HELP!

FRY (V/O)

I felt that I couldn’t lose her—but I guess it didn’t work out. It was even worse that I’d never skated before in my life.

Fry slips on the ice and falls on his stomach. Fry cautiously lays on the ice and extends his hand toward Andrea.

FRY

Okay, calm down! Struggling will only make it worse!

ANDREA

My arm went numb! I can’t feel my legs!

FRY

I’m slipping!

ANDREA

Fry! Hold on!

FRY

It’s sorta difficult, you know!

ANDREA

PHILIP!

FRY

You’re not helping! Slide yourself up, damnit!

ANDREA

I can’t! I can’t move!

Andrea slithers around like a snake. Fry struggles to pull her up.

ANDREA

Now my head hurts!

FRY

Andrea! I’ll never let go! No matter how numb my fingers get!

Fry struggles desperately, but Andrea slips through his fingers.

ANDREA

Fry, you dumbass! You l--(SUBMERGES, BUBBLES)

FRY

Andrea! No!

CUT TO: Bender and Leela. Bender looks bored, but Leela is genuinely shocked.

FRY

(SAD) And that was it. It was all because of me that I’d lost her.

LEELA

She drowned in the ice? That would be traumatic!

BENDER

Yeah, that is kinda sad, but, well, she’d be dead now anyway.

FRY

Well, she doesn’t have to be! I can still get her back... with this thing! (POINTS TO MACHINE)

LEELA

Fry! If you don’t work that machine properly, there’s no telling what sort of havoc you might wreck in the fabric of time!

Farnsworth walks in carrying the package from earlier.

FARNSWORTH

I still need you to--(GASPS) What in godalmighty are you doing with my dear Kronostroporter!?

Leela runs over to Farnsworth and ushers him out.

LEELA

Nothing! We’re just trying to find a screwdriver! (LOCKS DOOR)

FARNSWORTH

(THROUGH GLASS) Bwha—But what about the package?

FRY

Try FedEx!

END OF ACT II.

ACT III

Leela is at the controls of Farnsworth’s machine. Fry stands behind her.

FRY

Over... over... no, no, back... over... no! Over!

LEELA

(SIGH) I can’t believe you talked me into this...

FRY

Over! Yes! There! No, wait, over some more... there!

Andrea comes shooting out of the tube, soaked in water, unconscious.

LEELA

It looks like she’s swallowed a lot of water! Bender, help me move her over to the table!

BENDER

(MOCKING) Yes, Captain...

Bender and Leela put her up on Farnsworth’s lab table. Leela starts giving Andrea mouth-to-mouth.

FRY

She never gave me mouth-to-mouth.

BENDER

Have you ever drowned in a lake and then transported from the 20th century and rescued?

FRY

Well, no...

BENDER

Well, there ya go.

Andrea starts coughing up water and opens her eyes.

ANDREA

Ugh—were am I? (COUGH)

Andrea turns to Leela and screams.

FRY

Andrea! It’s me, Fry!

ANDREA

(TO FRY) Who are you? And how do you know my name?

LEELA

The lack of oxygen to her brain must’ve triggered some sort of memory loss. (TO ANDREA) What’s the last thing you remember?

ANDREA

(SHIVERS) Oh—Ice. It seems like I fell through, and then—oh! Holy crap, (COUGH) I gotta be dead!

BENDER

Doesn’t look like it.

ANDREA

(TO LEELA, DELIRIOUS) You must be my guardian angel...

LEELA

No, I’m an alien. You’re not dead—we were able to rescue you from drowning. You’re in the year 3000.

ANDREA

(COUGH) My God, I’m in the future?

LEELA/FRY/BENDER

Yep.

LEELA

I’m Leela, resident one-eyed alien. This is Bender...

BENDER

...Resident overworked, underpaid cook. You hungry?

LEELA

I’m not sure she’s ready for your food.

ANDREA

Ugh... (COUGH) I’m freakin’ cold though.

LEELA

Come with me—I might have some clothes around somewhere you can wear.

Fry starts to follow them.

LEELA (CONT’D)

Fry... stay there!

EXT. PLANET EXPRESS BUILDING – DAY.

BENDER smokes a cigar as he and ANDREA, dressed in Leela’s clothes, walk down the street.

ANDREA

Wow...

BENDER

Not much is changed. For instance, we’ve still got strip clubs, lots and lots of strip clubs. And grocery stores--

ANDREA

Well, I’m still kind of confused.

The two pass a Food-O-Mat.

BENDER

Most humans are. (POINTS TO RESTAURANT) The worst food on the planet. If you want some good food, I’ll cook for ya.

ANDREA

(SUPRISED) You cook?

BENDER

Well... yeah... sorta.

ANDREA

Neato! I never saw a robot that could cook!

BENDER

Aahw, yeah. We’re one of a kind. Wait till you see your boyfriend’s cheap apartment.

ANDREA

What boyfriend?

FRY approaches Bender and Andrea.

FRY

Hey! Andrea! Baby!

ANDREA

Don’t call me "baby."

Fry looks confused.

BENDER

Her brain’s still flunky...

FRY

You’re giving her a tour? Cool. Can I come? I mean, she’s my girlfriend—or was...

BENDER

Leela still wants you to keep your distance for a while.

FRY

(DISAPPOINTED) Wha—why?

BENDER

Dunno.

ANDREA

He is SO like my old boyfriend. Well, see you around, Fry.

FRY

Uh, yeah...

BENDER

In the meantime... I’m available.

Andrea pats Bender on the shoulder.

ANDREA

(DISINTERESTED) I’ll think about it.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM — LATER

ANDREA runs in still dressed like Leela, holding a ray gun.

ANDREA

Zap, zap! Die, alien scum!

LEELA

Watch it!

Andrea accidentally presses the trigger on the gun, firing it over Leela’s, AMY’s and FARNSWORTH’s heads. The gun hits the ceiling projection unit over the conference table. Leela runs up and snatches her gun away.

LEELA

What the Hell are you doing? You’re going to—

FRY

Whoa! Twins!

AMY

It’s like looking into a mirror!

ANDREA/LEELA

Wha..?

FARNSWORTH

Oh, my! The resemblance is stunning!

ANDREA/LEELA

I don’t look anything like her!

AMY

(TO FARNSWORTH) We should get her on that thingy of yours—see if they’re related!

ANDREA/LEELA

What? That’s impossible! I’m not going to do that!

CUT TO:

The same room from 1ACV01 where Fry and Farnsworth were being tested. The little device’s bulb blinks a "yes."

ANDREA/LEELA

How can I be related to her? She’s not even from the same planet as me!

FARNSWORTH

I—I don’t know! The implications of it are strange, to say the least!

FRY

Yeah, but it said we were related, and look at the resemblance!

ANDREA

Wow... I’ve got a new aunt!

LEELA

(SIGH)

AMY

Whatever.

CONFERENCE ROOM – LATER.

LEELA is holding a coffee cup and talking to FARNSWORTH.

LEELA

I think Bender's giving her a tour of the ship, actually. Hopefully we'll be able to deliver that package in a few minutes.

FARNSWORTH

Oh my--what package?

Suddenly, the ship starts to move. Leela is so startled that she drops her coffee, and runs over to a nearby videophone.

On the ship, things aren’t much better.

FRY

You started the ship? Boy are you ever gonna get in trouble!

ANDREA

No sh—

A videophone starts to ring. Bender answers it.

LEELA

Bender, what the Hell are you doing with my ship?

BENDER

Well, our little newcomer just pressed the wrong button and now we’re going to who knows where!

ANDREA

(NERVOUS) Hey, look—I didn’t MEAN to push the button, it was an—

BENDER

Yeah, yeah, always with the accidents.

LEELA

Bender, you’ve got to stop that thing!

BENDER

What? (REALIZES THE SHIP IS MOVING FORWARD) Whaagh!

The ship starts to plow into the railing ala "Speed II."

LEELA

Bender, press the large blue button second from the left on my console!

BENDER

(CONFUSED) Whaa...

FRY

Bender! We’re gonna die!

BENDER

(SPOTS A BUTTON) Ah! (PRESSES IT)

The windshield wipers go on. The ship keeps moving ever-closer to Leela’s head.

BENDER (CONT’D)

D’aahw! What was that again?

Andrea runs forward and presses the right button. The ship stops.

LEELA

(CROUCHED DOWN) Good work, Andrea. ...although you did get us into--

Leela starts to stand up, but hits her head on the ship, which is directly overhead.

LEELA (CONT’D)

Ow!

ANDREA

Hey Bender, why can’t Fry an’ me associate?

BENDER

You guys went out in the 20th century! There, ya happy? You where high school sweethearts or something!

ANDREA

We were? I mean, with him?

FRY

Hey! That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!

LEELA

Bender! You—

BENDER

Oh, yeah. (HANGS UP PHONE) I’ve had just about enough of you fleshbags for one day. I’m goin’ home.

ANDREA

But Bender!

BENDER

(MOCKING) "But Bender!" I’ve tolerated your crap for the last half hour, and I don’t even get a "thank you" outta it!

ANDREA

Well, if you wanted a "thank you" so much, why did’t you just say so?

BENDER

The thought never occurred to me.

ANDREA

Well, thanks, Bender.

BENDER

Well then—you wanna go and—

FRY

Hey! Waitaminit! Andrea’s my girlfriend, even if she did die over 1009 years ago! If we’re gonna go back to dating, I wanna lay down a few rules.

ANDREA

Yeah. Whatever. Fry, I don’t mean to be rude or anything, but is it just me, or have you gained a little weight?

FRY

Well, I am over one thousand an’ nine years older... I’m strong and mature now.

BENDER

Hey, Fry, you comin’? Neptunian Gladiators is comin’ on!

FRY

Ohoo! I’m there!

LOUNGE — LATER.

Fry, Bender, Leela and Andrea are sitting on the couch.

LEELA

You know, we should probably call somebody about the renovation. And getting the ship unstuck.

The camera pans back to reveal that the four are crouched under the ship, which has plowed into the wall.

FRY

Yeah, whatever.

Fry takes the clicker and turns on the TV. Static is heard.

ANDREA

Ooh... static... there’s something new.

FRY

Whaa! The cable’s gone!

END OF ACT III.