Futurama "Roughing It " ____________________________________ TAMMY CORIZIS 11 GEORGIA POINTE-CLAIRE QUEBEC H9R-5V7 CANADA PHONE # (514) 697-0917 TELEPLAY BY TAMMY CORIZIS LITEARY AGENT Terry Chase Chenowith 4822 Hollow Corner Rd. #277 Culver City, CA. 90230 _______________________________________________ FADE IN: INT. FRY'S APARTMENT - NIGHT. ANDREA SLEEPS SOUNDLY IN FRY'S BED. FRY THROWS HIS CLOTHES ALL OVER THE BED. ANDREA WAKES UP. ANDREA What the hell?! FRY Andrea, go back to sleep. I think you'll be needing it. ANDREA (Confused) Fry, what ARE you doing? FRY Packing for our camping trip. ANDREA (Tiredly) WHAT camping trip? FRY Oh, I promised Leela that I'd take a few kids camping this week. ANDREA And how many is a FEW? FRY Oh, around fourty. ANDREA FOURTY?! FRY TAKES OUT TWO YELLOW TANK TOPS WITH THE CAMPS LOGO ON THEM. FRY (Cheerfully) We're gonna be camp counselors! FADE TO BLACK: (OPENEING THEME AN ANIMATION FOR FUTURAMA PLAYS. INT. PLANET EXPRESS - DAY. ANDREA APPROACHES FRY WITH HER ARMS TO HER HIPS. AN ANGRY EXPRESSION RESTS ON HER FACE. BOTH FRY AND ANDREA ARE DRESSED LIKE CAMP COUNSELORS. ANDREA And how OLD are these kids? FRY Eight to fourteen. ANDREA Really... FRY And they're all boys. ANDREA WHAT?! FRY Sweetheart, it's an all BOY camp. Don't worry, If any of them touches you, they get a time out. LEELA AND BENDER EACH HAND FRY AND ANDREA A WHISTLE. LEELA You'll be needing these. FRY Hey, they look like dog whistles... BENDER These are more powerful than a lousy DOG whistle my friend. THESE are Super Sonic Whistles. LEELA If any of those kids misbehave, just blow the whistle. ANDREA BLOWS INTO HER WHISTLE. EVERYONE COVERS THEIR EARS. FRY WOAH! LEELA Now, I want you guys to keep in touch. Those kids can be a handful. FRY Don't worry Leela, we won't let them walk all over us. ANDREA (Evilly) After all, I'm a bitch with a badge... BENDER We'll see how tough you are when they put gum and crap in your hair. You'll come crying to Leela. (Imitating Andrea) "Aunt Leela, Aunt Leela! The kids put crap in my hair!" ANDREA I don't act like that. If any of them TOUCHES my hair, I'd give them a good kick in the ass. It took me forever to get my hair THIS long. PROFESSOR FARNSWORTH PLACES A COOLER IN FRONT OF FRY AND ANDREA. FARNSWORTH I packed you two a healty snack. FRY OPENS THE COOLER, THEN TAKES OUT A CAN OF BEER. FRY (Happily) All right! ANDREA (Disgusted) You sicken me... (To Farnsworth) Healthy snack my ass. FRY SWALLOWS THE BEER IN ONE GULP. ANDREA LOOKS AWAY DISGUSTED. CUT TO: EXT. CAMP SIGHT - DAY. FRY AND ANDREA STAND IN FRONT OF A GROUP OF KIDS AND TEENAGERS. FRY TAKES THE ATTENDENCE. FRY Dixen. DIXEN Here. FRY Perry. PERRY MAKES A WEIRD VOICE: PERRY Here... FRY Lucas? LUCAS PULLS HIS FINGER OUT OF HIS NOSE. IT IS FULL OF SNOT. LUCAS Hey Mister, you want some? FRY (Disgusted) Um, no thanks. ANDREA Well, that's all fourty of them Fry. A YOUNGSTER APPROACHES FRY. FRY What do you want Mikey? MIKEY Is she your girlfriend? FRY Yes, for the last time... Andrea is my girlfriend. ALL KIDS Ooooo! FRY (Annoyed) Knock it off! ANDREA BLUSHES. ANDREA So, who has dinner duty? THE KIDS STARE AT EACH OTHER, CONFUSED. PERRY Umm... BENDER APPEARS AND THROWS AN APRIN AROUND HIMSELF. BENDER I do! ANDREA Bender?! FRY What the hell are you doing here? BENDER I'm here for dinner duty. I always come here in the summer time to cook the kids dinner... FRY (To Andrea) That would explain why the kitchen is such a mess. INT. CABIN - NIGHT. FRY PLAYS HIS GUITAR. MIKEY Make him stop! Make him stop! FRY Come on, I learnt how to play back in High School when my girlfriend was doing her singing lessons, I'd pull out the old guitar and -- PERRY Is this gonna take long? LUCAS I'm tired. DIXEN I'm hungry. PERRY Hey Fry, do you know any scary stories? FRY Well, I know ONE... But it might be too scary for you guys. PERRY Nothing is too scary for us. DIXEN Yeah, tell us. FRY (Unsurely) Well... ALL (Cutely) Please? FRY Okay. Have you ever heard the story about the lady who had a dead fetus attached to her head? PERRY (Disgusted) A dead fetus? GROSS! INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT. ANDREA CLEANS AROUND THE STOVE AS BENDER COOKS. BENDER You're supposed to do that when I'm FINISHED. ANDREA I have to have SOMETHING to do. BENDER I hear you give a great back rub. ANDREA Well, I only do it for Fry... I mean, I can't see why you'd want one. You're a robot. BENDER Stop rubbing that in and damn it woman give me a back rub! ANDREA Okay... BENDER STERS THE SPAGHETTI AS ANDREA BEGINS RUBBING HIS BACK. BENDER (Sighs relieved) Aaahhh... No need for a pain killer when you're around. ANDREA Not even Fry gave me a comment like that when I finished his back. BENDER Maybe he didn't like it. ANDREA It's quiet in there... He better not be telling them that story about the lady with the dead fetus sticking out of her head. BENDER God, that's the worst horror story you could tell to a kid. ANDREA My hands are getting sore... BENDER My turn... BENDER TURNS AROUND AND TAKES ANDREA'S HANDS. SHE THEN PULLS AWAY. ANDREA (Nervously) Um, no... BENDER I'm returning the favor... ANDREA I just got things patched up with Fry... I don't want this to end up as another affair. BENDER Andrea, I was just making sure your hands are okay. They're so weak and fragile. Just like you. ANDREA That's so cute... ANDREA GIVES BENDER A FRIENDLY KISS. BENDER You shouldn't have done that... ANDREA Uh oh... BENDER GRABS ANDREA BY THE WAIST AS FRY ENTERS. FRY Hey guys, is dinner rea -- (Stops short) dy... I guess not. BENDER LETS GO OF ANDREA, WHO FALLS TO THE GROUND. FRY (CON'T) (To Bender) What the hell do you think you're doing?! PERRY (Imitating Fry) What the hell do you think you're doing?! BENDER Oh sure! Set a bad example toward the kids! FADE TO BLACK: INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT. (2ND UNIT) PERRY CROSSES HIS ARMS CONFUSED. PERRY (To Fry) I thought she was YOUR girlfriend. FRY Yeah, I thought so too Perry. ANDREA Fry, it's not what you think. ANDREA GETS UP AND APPROACHES FRY. ANDREA (CON'T) I mean... Bender had a bad back pain and I started rubbing his back... My hands began to hurt and he was going to -- FRY You believed him? Shame on you Bender. Tricking Andrea like that. You know robots don't have feelings. BENDER Yes we do and right now, mine are hurt! BENDER RUNS OUT OF THE ROOM. ANDREA (Sternly) Now look what you did. FRY He deserved it. I'll finish dinner. INT. DINING ROOM - NIGHT. FRY SITS AT ONE END OF THE TABLE, ANDREA SITS AT THE OTHER END. TO BREAK THE SILENCE, PERRY MAKES FARTING SOUNDS UNDER HIS ARM. ANDREA (Disgusted) That's gross! PERRY Look who's talking! At least I'm not the one having an affair with a robot. ANDREA I'm surprised you even know what the word "affair" means you little brat! FRY Guys, no fighting. Let's just finish dinner like normal people. ANDREA I'm gonna go bring Bender his. FRY Did I fail to mention that he's part refridgerator? ANDREA SIGHS IN ANNOYANCE AND GETS UP TO LEAVE. INT. ROOM - NIGHT. BENDER SITS ALONE ON A BUNK BED. A RAT SCURRIES ACROSS THE FLOOR. BENDER THROWS HIS CIGAR AT IT. BENDER (Angrily) Get out of here you little rat! THINKING THAT ANDREA IS BEING CALLED A RAT, SHE SLOWLY STARTS TO LEAVE. ANDREA Sorry to bother you, I thought you might be hungry... BENDER (Miserably) I didn't mean you. There was an actual rat. ANDREA Oh. ANDREA SITS BESIDE BENDER AND HANDS HIM A PLATE OF SPAGHETTI. BENDER Thanks. ANDREA No problem. BENDER So, are you and Fry still not speaking to each other? ANDREA Actually, I think he wants to break up. LUCAS AND DIXEN EVESDROP. ANDREA (CON'T) I know I've been a slut and I know that I've made lots of mistakes in the past... But this is the future and I thought I would learn from my mistakes, you know? BENDER Look... I admit what I did was wrong. I -- I never should have tricked you like that. I guess I just have to control my manly urges. (Sexily) And at the same time, my ROBOT one's... ANDREA GETS UP. ANDREA Well, I better be going. BENDER Sleep tight. ANDREA Hey, are you still gonna come on that rafting trip with me and Fry tomorrow? I'm sure the kids would LOVE to have you along. And besides, it would be nice to have someone to talk to. BENDER I'm not supposed to associate with humans but -- (Shrugs) What the hell. ANDREA That's where you'll be going if you admit to all your little buddies that you had an affair behind your best friend's back with HIS girlfriend who happens to be one hundred percent human. BENDER Well, I guess I could go with ya. But only to make sure Fry doesn't do anything stupid. CUT TO: EXT. RIVER - DAY. EVERYONE IS CROWDED IN AN ORANGE RAFT. ANDREA SITS IN BETWEEN FRY AND BENDER. FRY Okay everybody, sit your little asses down and behave yourselves. (Beat) Or you don't get dinner. ALL Awe -- BENDER Jerk off. THE CURRENTS START TO PICK UP SPEED. ANDREA IS CONFUSED. SHE DOE SNOT KNOW WHO TO HANG ONTO. ALL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! ANDREA (Frantically) Oh my God! Fry! Paddle damn it! It's a ferakin' waterfall! FRY (Gasps) A WATERFALL?! EVERYONE TRIES TO PADDLE FASTER. ANDREA BREAKS INTO HYSTERICS AND FALLS OVER BOARD. FRY (CON'T) Andrea! PERRY We gotta save her, Fry! BENDER (Pointing to the waterfall) Yeah, but who's gonna save US? EVERYBODY GULPS. FADE TO BLACK: EXT. SHORE - DAY. EVERYONE IS WASHED UP ON SHORE. FRY RINGS OUT HIS JACKET. ANDREA IS LYING BESIDE BENDER. BENDER WAKES UP AND POKES ANDREA WITH A STICK. FRY Is she ALIVE? BENDER Eh -- She looks like crap. BENDER, ONCE AGAIN, POKES ANDREA WITH THE STICK. ANDREA IMMEDIATELY SITS UP AND GRABS THE STICK FROM BENDER, THEN HITS HIM WITH IT. ANDREA How do YOU like it?! THE KIDS JUMP UP AND DOWN EXCITEDLY. ALL Yay! BENDER AND FRY HELP ANDREA TO HER FEET. ANDREA Am I dead? BENDER Nah... You'll be fine. FRY You're just a little wet. ANDREA Damn. (Pleading to the sky) Oh WHY couldn't you take me Lord?! DIXEN Um, Andrea -- ANDREA Yes? DIXEN God doesn't exist. People stopped believing in him a long time ago. BENDER Yeah. Because if God DID exist, he wouldn't let people die. ANDREA I didn't die. Maybe that was a sign from God. FRY (To Bender) She's lost it. DIXEN Andrea, people HAVE to die. PERRY Yeah, because if they DIDN'T, then the world would get over populated. BENDER Maybe it's all this FRESH AIR. It's making Andrea act all weird and funny. ANDREA One can never have too much fresh air. Come on guys, we're ROUGHING IT! FRY God, I feel like that guy from Gilligan's Island. BENDER Which one? FRY Gilligan. ANDREA (Sighs) We're doomed... Doomed. I can't believe I'm gonna die a virgin! FRY Andrea, not in front of the kids. ANDREA (Ashamed) Sorry... FRY You know, you don't HAVE to die a virgin. I'm here and we can... ANDREA Can we? FRY Well... Yeah. Anytime. AMY AND LEELA RUN UP TO THE GROUP. AMY So, this is where you guys have been stranded. ALL Amy! PERRY Leela! LEELA MAKES A WEIRD FACE AS PERRY HUGS HER LEGS. LEELA that's enough, Perry. AMY We saw the raft at the bottom of the waterfalla nd thought we might find a few uncapable CAMP counselors. ANDREA Aunt Leela, Amy, I can explain. It's all -- BENDER My fault. FRY Nah, it's my fault. DIXEN Hey, it was MY fault. LUCAS No. It was because of us. PERRY Yeah! LEELA (To Andrea) Well, you kept them alive. That's what counts. FRY (Begging) Grade us, grade us! LEELA (Annoyed) Oh all RIGHT! LEELA CROSSES HER ARMS. LEELA (CON'T) You both get A'S. ANDREA & FRY (High five) Woo hoo! AMY But you might not be so lucky next time. ANDREA Who says there's even gonna be a next time? I have a job and all. Protecting the lives of innocent people... And so on. FRY Excuses, excuses. EXT. FOREST - DAY. LUCAS TURNS TO LEELA. LUCAS So, what do Canadian's like to say, anyways? LEELA Oh, they have the tendency to say "EH" a lot. LUCAS (Confused) Eh? FADE TO BLACK: BENDER (V.O.) (To Lucas) Why the HELL did you bring that up? FADE OUT: THE END