Futurama "Fry's Discovery" ____________________________________ TAMMY CORIZIS 11 GEORGIA POINTE-CLAIRE QUEBEC H9R-5V7 CANADA PHONE # (514) 697-0917 TELEPLAY BY TAMMY CORIZIS LITEARY AGENT Terry Chase Chenowith 4822 Hollow Corner Rd. #277 Culver City, CA. 90230 _______________________________________________ FADE IN: INT. CAVE - DAY. LEELA, BENDER, AND FRY SHOVEL DEEPER AND DEEPER. ANDREA ENTERS THE CAVE DRESSED LIKE INDIANA JONES. IN HER HANDS, SHE CARRIES A BUNCH OF BATTERIES. LEELA Hey Andrea. What's up? ANDREA Nothing much. ANDREA TURNS TO BENDER. ANDREA (CON'T) Sorry I was late. I bought some batteries, but they weren't included... So I had to buy them again. BENDER Good, hurry up and put them in the radio. FRY STOPS DIGGING, ANDREA BENDS DOWN TO TURN ON THE RADIO AND HER BUTT GOES IN FRY'S FACE. SEEING THIS, FRY STARTS TO DROOL. LEELA SLAPS HIM IN THE FACE. LEELA Quit drooling over my niece's butt! FRY You know Leela... Andrea has a great ass. ANDREA Why, thank you Phillip. ANDREA KISSES FRY ON THE CHEEK. FRY Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any. LEELA We've been digging for your stupid 20th century relics all day and all you can think about is sex! BENDER Why are we looking for this 20th century crap anyways? What good will it get us in life? Besides a lot of BACK pains! FRY It could make us RICH! ANDREA Speaking of being RICH Fry, you told me over the phone that we would be digging for gold. FRY I lied. I only said that so you'd actually HELP us. And so I could see my sweetie. ANDREA (Angrily) What a crock. FRY HITS A WEIRD-SHAPED OBJECT WITH HIS SHOVEL. FRY (Excitedly) Hey guys! I found something! ANDREA BENDS DOWN TO EXAMINE FRY'S DISCOVERY. ANDREA My God! It's a dinosaur bone! LEELA & BENDER (Shocked) A WHAT?! FADE TO BLACK: (OPENING THEME AND ANIMATION FOR FUTURAMA PLAYS) INT. CAVE - DAY. (2ND UNIT) FRY HOLDS THE BONE UP IN THE AIR. FRY A dinosaur bone! This is WAY cooler than sex with my girl- friend! ANDREA (Angrily) HEY! FRY Sorry baby... LEELA Um, I hate to burst your bubble of happiness Fry, but we're all in this together. BENDER YEAH! We split everything fifty fifty! ANDREA Yep. We split it RIGHT down the middle. FRY Come on guys. I found it! LEELA Well, WE helped DIG for it. BENDER Yeah, without us, you NEVER would of found that ancient piece of crap-o-la. FRY It is NOT crap-o-la! Andrea, only us 20th century folks truly understand what an important discovery this is... Please tell them. ANDREA Nope. I'm sorry Fry. This IS your discovery after all. And besides, YOU'RE the one that said finding something ancient was better than having sex with me. FRY I did not! LEELA TURNS TO THE CAMERA: LEELA Um, can we RE-WIND that please? FRY (Nervously) Okay, okay. So maybe I DID say it, but it doesn't mean that I MEANT what I said. I never mean what I say. ANDREA Stop it Fry. You're so full of crap, you're starting to make my ass jealous. You can be SO absent- minded! FRY Hey, I have an open mind. It's just closed for repairs. CUT TO: INT. FRY'S APARTMENT - DAY. BENDER, ANDREA, AND LEELA SIT ON THE COUCH. BENDER (Relieved) Ah, how beautiful is it to do NOTHING, and then rest after- wards? LEELA I wonder what Fry has on his mind RIGHT now... It's gotta be fame and fortune. I swear, it's all that guy cares about. ANDREA When he's not using the RIGHT side of his mind, the LEFT side usually gets crowded. BENDER I tend to agree. But, you've gotta learn to be patient with Fry. Sure he can be a jack-ass, but he's a class-act all the way. ANDREA Are you kidding? Even in high school he'd sit on his lazy ass. It was like: (Imitating Fry) "Okay Andrea, go get me something from the Cafeteria". And then I'd be like, "GROSS!" And he'd be like, "what?" LEELA Um, Andrea... We get the point. ANDREA (Angrily) Well obviously, Fry doesn't. I've been putting up with him long enough. In fact, I think I'm gonna walk right up to him and say -- FRY APPROACHES ANDREA HOLDING A SHOVEL. ANDREA (CON'T) Oh... Hello Fry... FRY Hi Sweetie! Are you gonna come dig with us? ANDREA Actually, Fry... I'm not. FRY (Angrily) WHAT?! ANDREA I've been doing everything for you these past three days and I'd like a little time to my- self. FRY Well, if that's what you want... ANDREA Fry, if I don't get a vacation soon, I think I'm gonna go crazy. You understand, don't you? FRY (Sighs) I guess so. ANDREA (Happily) Good! Then I'm gonna go on this FABULOUS cruise across the galaxy. ANDREA GRABS HER JEAN JACKET. ANDREA (CON'T) You guys stay here and... Find stuff. EVERYONE WATCHES ANDREA LEAVE. BENDER And that's THAT. FRY LOOKS AROUND THE APARTMENT. FRY What am I gonna do? It's so dull and boring in here now. LEELA She needed a break, Fry. FRY (Sighs) Yeah, I know... LEELA Couldn't you see the determination in her face? FRY Yeah, I've never seen her so upset before. I'm gonna call her and apologize for being such a jerk. BENDER No need. I'll do that for you. FRY You will? BENDER Yeah. In fact, I'll see if I can catch up to her before she takes off. FRY You'd do that for me? Ah gee, thanks Bender, you're such a pal. BENDER LEAVES. LEELA TURNS TO FRY. LEELA Um, you realize he's not coming back. CUT TO: EXT. CRUISE SHIP - DAY. ANDREA LOADS HER BAGS ONTO AN ENORMOUS SHIP. BENDER STANDS BEHIND HER HOLDING HIS BAGS. BENDER Hey, Andrea! ANDREA TURNS AROUND, SHOCKED. ANDREA Bender! What the hell are YOU doing here? BENDER (Shyly) Well, I thought I could use a vacation too. So, I was thinking... Maybe WE could take the same vacation together. That way, it would save up a LOT of cash. Plus, you wouldn't be lonely. ANDREA That's not the REAL reason you're here. I bet you're here to spy on me for Fry. He doesn't trust me. BENDER To be honest with you, he was gonna come down here himself to apologize to ya, so I took this opportunity. I don't wanna dig up anymore damn dinosaur bones. What does he wanna do? Open up a place where people can see the dinosaurs? ANDREA It's been done. (Sighs) Well, since you're here, you might as well come along. Who knows, hanging out with you might actually be fun. BENDER Heck, FUN is my middle name. Actually it's ROBERT but don't tell anyone. BENDER AND ANDREA GET IN THE SHIP. A SECOND LATER, FRY AND LEELA APPEAR. BOTH START CHASING AFTER THE SHIP AS IT TAKES OFF. FRY Andrea! Wait! LEELA You can't go away with Bender! He doesn't deserve a vacation! INT. CRUISE SHIP - DAY. CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS AS ANDREA AND BENDER ENTER A FANCY RESTAURANT. BENDER (Amazed) Wow! This place is amazing! They have lobster, and everything! ON ANDREA AS SHE PICKS UP A FANCY NAPKIN. ANDREA Hmm, this must be first class... BENDER I guess we're last class, huh? ANDREA SPOTS A GAMBLING ROOM. ANDREA (Sneakily) Maybe not. Come on, I have an idea. CUT TO: INT. PLANET EXPRESS - DAY. PROFESSOR FARNSWORTH AND AMY SPEAK WITH FRY AND LEELA. AMY And they just took off on you? FRY Look, I can explain the Andrea part. But the Bender part gets a little suspecious... FARNSWORTH And the plot thickens... LEELA Fry, Andrea needed that vacation. So what if Bender's with her. They're not gonna do anything stupid. FRY I don't know about Bender, but Andrea might. EVERYONE LOOKS AT FRY, WHO SHRUGS. FRY (CON'T) If she gets drunk. CUT TO: INT. CRUISE SHIP - GAMBLING ROOM - DAY. ANDREA SWALLOWS DOWN AN ENTIRE CAN OF BEER AS SHE SPEAKS TO SOME OLDER MEN. ANDREA Yeah, I have a boyfriend back home. But he doesn't appreciate me. He only appreciates my body. BENDER So do I, but you don't see me complaining. ANDREA So anyways, my friend and I decided to take a vacation and get away from him. GAMBLER #1 What, do you guys have a three- some together? BENDER AND ANDREA STARE AT ONE ANOTHER. BENDER No! What are you, stupid?! ANDREA Obviously, if he's asking a question like that. (Laughs twice) Do we have a three-some together... This guy makes me laugh. He should be a camedian. GAMBLER #1 I am. When I'm not gambling or doing other stuff. BENDER (Nudging Andrea) Okay Andrea, you're you-know- what's are almost showing. ANDREA It's a clevage! Big deal. it's not like they haven't seen one before. THE BEAT TO "BE MY GUEST" BEGINS TO PLAY AS ANDREA STRIKES A POSE. ANDREA (CON'T) (Singing) See my breasts See my breasts They're more attractive than the rest My langerie is stylin' My aunt, she buys me nothin' but the best! ANDREA HOLDS OUT HER BRA. Come one and all, fat skinny, tall And admire at my side Two breasts that will never die So why try? It never fails When you've got no finger nails All I know is that I can rely on my breasts See my breasts See my breasts See my breasts! BENDER SLAPS HIMSELF IN THE FOREHEAD. BENDER Oh God, she's DRUNK! ANDREA LEAPS ON THE GAMBLING TABLE. ANDREA You're alone And you're scared And you're never really prepared For what I'm about to do I wrote this song, just for you I tell jokes I do tricks I know how to mimick! THE GAMBLING MEN LAUGH. Come on and lift your glass Hey man, where's your class? You've won your own free pass To see my breasts See my breasts See my breasts! ANDREA JUMPS OFF THE TABLE, THEN SINGS AS BENDER DIMS THE LIGHTS: Life is so disturbing For a boyfriend who's not learning That what he did to his high school sweetheart was wrong Now that these new days Are useful Suddenly the good old days are gone For years I've been putting up with his crap Why couldn't this have been a rap? Must be because I'm a sap So -- ANDREA DANCES AROUND THE GAMBLING ROOM. It's a breast! It's a breast! No woman can ever pass THIS test! ANDREA SHOWS OFF HER CLEVAGE. A FEW MEN TRY TO GET A GLANCE AND FALL OFF THEIR TABLE. Pamela Lee Who is she Why does she think she's better than the rest? She's got breasts but they're fake Trechorous snake Why didn't I see that before? My breasts are real So THERE! Now how do you feel? Mine are REAL! See my breasts See my breasts Because they're better than the rest! EVERYONE CHEERS WILDLY AS ANDREA BOWS. SHE THEN FALLS TO THE FLOOR, EXHAUSTED. BENDER Um, are you okay? ANDREA (Tiredly) Please get us a room... FADE TO BLACK: INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT. BENDER THROWS ANDREA ON A NEARBY BED. HE THEN LEANS COOLY AGAINST A WALL. BENDER Okay, sweet thing. Move over. BENDER GETS INTO BED WITH ANDREA. THEY THEN LIFT THE BLANKETS OVER EACH OTHER. ANDREA Bender you animal... BENDER GROWLS SEXILY. CUT TO: EXT. MANSION - NIGHT. A LIMO PULLS UP. AMY, LEELA, AND FRY STEP OUT. FRY With all that digging, we earned ourselves this place. LEELA Fry, I'm concerned... FRY Concerned about what? LEELA Andrea never gets drunk... She's not even an alcoholic... FRY (Carelessly) So? LEELA What would happen if she did get drunk? FRY I've never seen her drunk. But I know Bender has. And he gets drunk a lot too. You know, I still don't think he's over his LAST addiction. But who cares! Look what all our digging got us! AMY Seriously Leela... Stop worrying about Andrea. She's twenty-three- years old. LEELA ANGRILY TURNS TO AMY AS SHE WALKS AWAY. LEELA Stop being such a flirt. CUT TO: INT. HOTEL ROOM - DAY. ANDREA SLEEPS PEACEFULLY. BENDER GETS OUT OF BED AND APPROACHES A NEARBY TV SET. HE THEN TAKES OUT THE PLUG AND PUTS IT IN HIMSELF. A BUNCH OF ELECTRICITY GOES THROUGH HIS BODY. ANDREA AWAKENS TO THE SOUND OF SHOCKS. BENDER SIGHS, RELIEVED. ANDREA (Disgusted) Are you jacking on again? BENDER PULLS THE PLUG OUT OF HIMSELF, THEN TURNS TO ANDREA. BENDER (Slyly) Maybe... ANDREA You sicken me. BENDER The only thing I'd ever wanna jack on with is you. ANDREA Dirty animal... BENDER I know. ANDREA Let's see what's on the tube. ANDREA TURNS ON THE TV AND GETS NOTHING BUT STATIC. ANDREA (CON'T) You bum! You wasted the electricity, I HATE YOU! I hope you rot in Robot Hell! BENDER I didn't waste the electricity YOU did! ANDREA (Angrily) I was sleeping! BENDER And dreaming about me? ANDREA Among other things. CUT TO: INT. MANSION - DAY. DUCKS SWIM IN A NEARBY SWIMMING POOL. LEELA TRIES TO CONTACT ANDREA. LEELA (Angrily) Come on you lazy son of a bitch, pick up the phone! FRY Maybe she and Bender are jacking on together. LEELA I don't think so Fry. Bender learned his lesson the LAST time he jacked on and almost rotted in Robot Hell. AMY And I doubt Andrea would wanna jack on with Bender. FRY And why not? AMY Well for starters, she's a human and he's a robot. It would never work. FRY Sometimes I wonder... LEELA HANGS UP THE PHONE. LEELA Look Fry, you're being VERY over-pertective toward your girlfriend and you're acting like an ass hole. FRY GETS UP FROM A FANCY LEATHER CHAIR. FRY (Annoyed) Leela, I think I know when to suspect Andrea. It's obvious that she's having an affair and frankly, I could care less. LEELA So, you're telling me that you don't give a damn about your own girlfriend? FRY Yep. LEELA How can you say something like that? Andrea loves you a lot but from time to time you drive her crazy. All she wanted was a break and you automatically think she's having an affair... And with a robot! FRY Knowing Andrea, she'd have an affair with anything. As long as it walked and talked. AMY Ouch... LEELA Look, just call her. FRY Why should I? LEELA (Angrily) Because she's your girlfriend THAT'S why! FRY All my life I've been whipped by Andrea. LEELA What do you mean by: WHIPPED? FRY (Looking away) She controls me. That's what I mean. LEELA I just got the number of Andrea's room from the operator. Please Fry, for once in your life, do your girlfriend a favor and call her. FRY It's over, Leela. LEELA FINE! Then tell her that yourself. LEELA HANGS UP THE PHONE. LEELA (CON'T) I don't wanna break my niece's heart. You're being a total jack ass and I don't like your attitude lately. Since you've made your gay little discovery, it's all you've cared about. I bet you KNOW Andrea isn't having an affair. You're just making up that kind of an excuse so we think you don't care about her. AMY But you know something? I bet he does. LEELA Since he found his so called, "donosaur bones", all he's been thinking about is fame and fortune. We don't need his money, right Amy? AMY (Unsurely) Um -- CUT TO: INT. CRUISE SHIP - NIGHT. ANDREA STARES OUT THE WINDOW. BENDER APPROACHES ANDREA FROM BEHIND AND HUGS HER TIGHTLY. ANDREA I miss Fry... I think I'm gonna call him. Do you have a quarter? BENDER LETS GO OF ANDREA, THEN LOOKS AWAY ANGRILY. BENDER Sorry, I used my last quarter to buy me a bottle of alcohol. ANDREA (Angrily) Thanks a lot. ANDREA TURNS TO LEAVE BUT BENDER GRABS HER BY THE ARM. BENDER Sheesh, can't you take a joke? Here's your damn quarter. BENDER LOOKS AWAY AS ANDREA TAKES THE QUARTER FROM HIS HAND, SHE THEN GIVES HIM A FRIENDLY KISS ON THE CHEEK. AS ANDREA LEAVES, BENDER LOOKS UP AND BLUSHES. AT THE TELEPHONE BOOTH. ANDREA PLACES IN HER QUARTER AND DIALS THE NUMBER FOR FRY'S APARTMENT. THE ANSWERING MACHINE COMES ON: FRY (V.O.) (From phone) Hi, this is Fry. I'm not available at the moment because I've just made the world's biggest discovery. You can no longer reach me from here. Have a nice day. (Pause) Oh yeah, and if you wanna call me from my mansion, you CAN'T! THE LINE GOES DEAD. ANDREA HANGS UP THE PHONE. ANDREA What a jack ass. FADE TO BLACK: INT. CRUISE SHIP - NIGHT. (2ND UNIT) ANDREA SITS AT A TABLE WITH BENDER. BENDER Hey, have another beer! ANDREA Yuck... BENDER It's the perfect thing for you at a time like this. ANDREA I just wanna die. A WAITER APPROACHES ANDREA WITH A PHONE ON HIS TREY. WAITER Excuse me ma'am, but you have a phone call from a Ms. Leela. ANDREA Oh... (To Bender) She's probably checking up on me. ANDREA TAKES THE PHONE. BENDER Tell her I hope Fry rots in Hell. ANDREA (Into phone) Aunt Leela? LEELA (V.O.) (Out of phone) Andrea, come home... ANDREA (Into phone) But I'm having so much fun dining here in FIRST class... BENDER GIVES ANDREA THE THUMBS UP SIGN. LEELA (V.O.) (Out of phone) First class? Wait a minute... How the hell did you afford to pay for THAT? ANDREA (Into phone) Oh, you didn't know? Bender is part ATM machine. ANDREA EATS SOME OF HER SPAGHETTI. LEELA (V.O.) (Out of phone) Fry misses you tons. ANDREA (Into phone/Shocked) REALLY?! (Carelessly) I mean... REALLY? LEELA (V.O.) (Out of phone) Yeah. ANDREA (Into phone) Then why didn't he call me and tell me that himself? LEELA (V.O.) (Out of phone) Because he's too busy counting his money. ANDREA (Into phone) Tell Fry that I'll only come home once things have gone back to normal. WAITER (To Andrea) Excuse me, ma'am... ANDREA Yes? WAITER (To Andrea) You're bill... THE WAITER PLACES A BILL IN FRONT OF BENDER AND ANDREA. THEIR JAWS DROP OPEN IN SHOCK. ANDREA SPEAKS INTO THE PHONE AGAIN. ANDREA (Into phone) On second thought, Aunt Leela... We'll be leaving now. THE WAITER TAKES THE PHONE AND HANGS UP. WAITER So, will that be cash or check? ANDREA (While pointing to Bender) He's paying. THE WAITER HOLDS HIS HAND IN FRONT OF BENDER. BENDER (To Andrea) What the hell do I look like? An ATM machine? Sheesh! ANDREA CROSSES HER ARMS AND LOOKS AWAY. THE WAITER PUTS DOWN HIS TREY. WAITER Do I have to call security? BENDER (Nervously) That won't be necessary my good man. ANDREA As a matter of fact, we were just on out way out... ANDREA AND BENDER SLOWLY GET UP, THEN RUN OUT OF THE RESTAURANT. THE WAITER CHASES AFTER THEM. WAITER (Calling) Wait! You didn't pay! BENDER (Snickers/To Andrea) We're aware of that... BENDER AND ANDREA RUN INTO A HALLWAY, THEN HIDE BEHIND AN OPENED DOOR. THE WAITER RUNS RIGHT BY THEM. ANDREA Jack ass... BENDER There's gotta be a way out off this cruise ship. Um, a get-a-way car or something. ANDREA LOOKS AROUND, THEN SPOTS A FOOD CART. ANDREA Will that do? BENDER We already got in trouble for not paying... Now we've gotta get in trouble for STEALING too? ANDREA Oh Bender, we're not gonna STEAL it, we're just gonna BARROW it. They'll get it back. No worries. BENDER AND ANDREA HOP IN THE FOOD CART THEN SPEED AWAY. THE FOOD CART LOSES CONTROL AND SENDS ANDREA AND BENDER FLYING INTO A SHUTTLE. BENDER Hmm -- (Reading) "Use only in case of an emergency. I.E., fires, mutated aliens, or if you are being chased by a waiter because you didn't pay for dinner." ANDREA Yep, THAT'S us! ANDREA PRESSES A BUTTON. THE DOOR CLOSES. INT. SHUTTLE - NIGHT. THE SHUTTLE TAKES OFF. ANDREA AND BENDER ARE CRUNCHED UP INSIDE IT. BENDER Does it have to be so tight? ANDREA I don't see why YOU'RE complaining. BENDER GROWLS SEXILY. INT. FARNSWORTH'S SHIP - NIGHT. LEELA PILOTS THE SHIP. FRY SPOTS THE SHUTTLE. FRY Oh my God -- They're in THAT tiny thing? LEELA Well, I have to admit it is a tight squeeze. FRY LOOKS CONCERNED. FRY Oh -- I hope Andrea will take me back after I treated her like a bitch... From now on, things are gonna be different. LEELA (Carelessly) Good for you, Fry. AMY BRINGS IN ANDREA AND BENDER. ANDREA (Happily) Aunt Leela! ANDREA HUGS LEELA. LEELA And how was your vacation? ANDREA It was okay... Until Bender and I couldn't pay the bill. LEELA Please try to restrain yourself from saying "Bender and I"... SEEING FRY, ANDREA NODS. ANDREA (Realizing) Ohhh -- I see. ANDREA APPROACHES FRY AND GIVES HIM A HUG. ANDREA (CON'T) So, are you living in the apartment again? FRY AND ANDREA EMBRACE. FRY (Sighs) Yeah, fame and fortune was great while it lasted. But without you, it wasn't the same. ANDREA Awe... FRY You didn't do anything STUPID while you were alone with Bender did you? ANDREA Well -- Not REALLY. BENDER SIGHS RELIEVED. FRY Good. Now that everything is back to normal, let's all do something constructive with our time. ANDREA What's there to do that's constructive? FRY SHRUGS. BENDER Hey, I know! Let's all take a nice long vacation. To the Fiji Islands! ANDREA How romatic! LEELA Um, yeah... Romantic. BEGIN END CREDITS. AMY I know! Let's go see Billy Joel live in concert! BENDER Billy Joel? He sucks! ANDREA Are you sure we have enough money to go see a Billy Joel concert? FRY Well, we don't have enough money to go see it LIVE, but we do have a TV. BENDER TV'S... I don't know who invented them, but thanks. ANDREA It's not the same... LEELA Hey, I have an idea. Let's just sit here and do absolutely nothing. ANDREA That's always fun. BENDER Somebody get me a beer. LEELA You told us that you were gonna quit. BENDER And you believed me?! EVERYONE LOOKS AT BENDER. BENDER (CON'T) Amatuers. END CREDITS. FADE OUT: THE END